Tonight I Wanna Cry
by xSakuraBlossom
Summary: Inspired by the song by Keith Urban. Tezuka broke it off for Ryoma's sake. But can he live with the loneliness? Angst, shounen-ai. Pillar Pair.


Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis, nor the song "Tonight I Wanna Cry" by Keith Urban.

A/N: The song mentioned in the disclaimer is the inspiration behind this fic. It's an amazing song, search it up!

Tonight I Wanna Cry

Tezuka's eyes were looking at the television screen, but he didn't see it at all. Not until he caught a glimpse of the next people about to play in the US Open.

"Ryoma Echizen vs. Roger Federer- US Open Finals"

Almost violently, Tezuka clicked off the power, turning the screen black. Just like his emotions.

He reached for the wine bottle in front of him. More than half was already gone. He supposed he was drunk. But he didn't care much at that point.

Taking a swig of the fine wine, he thought briefly of what a waste it was. Such a fine wine should have been enjoyed slowly, probably with some company. But Tezuka had never invited people to his home before. The only one that had ever been in his house was Ryoma. And he was gone now.

It had been 2 weeks since the breakup. Tezuka was alone once again that night, as he had been for the past 2 weeks.

Aimlessly, Tezuka stared at the walls, feeling a jolt of pain course through him as he realized that the pictures were still up. All around him were pictures of him and Ryoma. He hadn't taken them down yet.

"Damn." His soft curse surprised himself. He never swore normally. But then again, he supposed that it wasn't normal for him to be drinking himself to death due to a breakup either.

He still loved Ryoma. It was a crazy thing to say when he had been the one to break off the relationship. But it had been for the best. Tezuka knew Ryoma wasn't as dedicated to the relationship as Tezuka was. Besides, Ryoma loved tennis too much. If he and Tezuka went public, Ryoma's tennis career would be destroyed. The world still hated homosexuals.

Tezuka had broken off the relationship for Ryoma's sake. As a final declaration of his love.

So it had hurt all the more when Ryoma had merely shrugged and walked away, waving negligently over his shoulder. "Bye, then, Tezuka. See you on the courts sometime." As though their 6-year relationship had meant nothing. As though all the time they had spent together meant nothing. As though Tezuka's sacrifice that day meant nothing.

Tezuka shut his eyes, taking another gulp of the wine. He'd never been very good at expressing love, so he hadn't said it often. Perhaps he should have said it more. Then maybe Ryoma would have loved him back. But Tezuka had always been taught to stay strong, never to lose his self-control, and he had felt that telling someone he loved them meant giving them a vulnerable spot to attack. So he didn't say "I love you" as often as he should have.

But he was drunk. At this point, the bottle was near empty- he downed the last few drops. He was going to have the hangover of his life in the morning. But he didn't care much right now.

The alcohol stripped away the cool exterior he'd always presented to the world. It broke down that wall of pride that he had built around him like a defensive tower. Softly, he said "I love you…" The three words that he hadn't said nearly enough. Tezuka started to repeat the words over and over, as though saying them now would somehow make up for all the times he hadn't said them because of his pride.

To hell with his pride. It had never gotten him anywhere. Look at what it had done to him and Ryoma. If not for pride, he would have told Ryoma he loved him, and maybe they wouldn't be in this situation now.

Tezuka didn't care if he was supposed to be strong. He didn't care if he wasn't supposed to lose his self-control.

Tonight, he wanted to cry.

*** Owari ***

A/N: Meh, probably could have done better, but I'm not that good of a writer. If anyone else listens to the song and wants to do something similar to what I've done (except better), be my guest.

Anyways, R&R please!


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